Things I Have Never Done

By Ken Anderson, themayberryguru@gmail.com

As I continue to age and gather with family and friends, I find that conversations tend to dwell on all the things we have done in our lives. We talk about our childhoods, school experiences, careers, families, and, often, our health. We discuss our accomplishments and all the fun times that are forever etched into our memories. However, one thing we rarely discuss is everything we have never done.

I am not talking about major things in life that I wish I had done, but about the simple, everyday activities that so many people do that I have not experienced. For instance, in all 79 years of my life, I have never used an ATM. In fact, I am not even sure if I would know how to use one. I have never found myself in need of cash while out and about. I always carry sufficient funds to satisfy my needs, and if I ever do find myself short, I would use my credit card.

Another very common activity that most people do many times in their lives is to order a pizza to be delivered to their home. But not me. I love pizza, and we eat it quite often. But when I want pizza, I either buy a frozen one, go to a pizza place and eat in, or go to a pizza place and pick one up to take home. But I have never had pizza delivered to my home. Just think of all the money I saved on tips.

I have also never gone on an overnight fishing trip with friends. Nor have I ever gone deer hunting. I have never skied or gone snowshoeing.  I have never owned a motorcycle, boat, snowmobile, or ATV. But I have had three convertibles and a squad car. I hope that counts for something.

I haven’t been big on entertainment either.  I have never gone to a casino, Brandson, Country Jam, Disney World, or a five-star restaurant.  But I did go to two World Fairs, and I frequently dine at Burger King. I have never bought a lottery or Powerball ticket, nor have I ever bet on a sporting event. I have also never hitchhiked or changed a diaper.

My life is not nearly as boring as it sounds. However, I am saving for my obituary all the things I have done in my life. Hopefully, you will read about it in newspapers a long way down the road. In the meantime, I think I will go get a pizza.