How to Have the “Assisted Living” Talk

There are many strong opinions regarding in-home care versus assisted living facilities. Regardless of your stance, there may come a day when a facility is the best option for your loved one, even if they don’t believe it is. Many senior adults do not want to leave their homes, so a conversation about moving to an assisted living facility can be difficult. Below are some tips on how to approach that discussion.

1. Talk with your loved one about their wishes early on and often as they age. Make sure everyone is on the same page, and discuss the possibility of moving to an assisted living facility if you feel the care required cannot be provided physically or financially by remaining in their home. Often the burdens of maintaining a home (repairs, lawn care and snow removal, etc) become too difficult to keep up with, especially if there are physical limitations. By talking about assisted living early and often, you can normalize the conversation and concept.

2. Research some facilities ahead of time so you have options to look at together. Create a spreadsheet with amenities or ask for a mailed brochure. If possible, take a tour of the facility with your loved one and make sure to ask the staff many questions. If they cannot answer all your questions to your satisfaction, it might not be the right choice. Involving your loved one in the process as much as possible will help them retain their independence and autonomy. It is still their life, afterall.

3. Do not force the issue. If they refuse to even talk about it, revisit the topic at a later date, asking if they’ve had a chance to think about or review any information you provided. Unfortunate events such as hospitalization can also be an appropriate time to carefully bring up the conversation. Let them know you’re glad things weren’t worse, AND that they might receive better and more constant support in a facility to hopefully avoid dangerous situations going forward.

4. Acknowledge that change can be hard, but it can also be good. Life in an assisted living facility can be an enriching experience. Many facilities offer a wide range of activities and socialization, juxtaposed by remaining at home where seniors often become isolated. Some developments also have themes and focuses that might align well with your loved one’s desires and lifestyle. 

Source: “Talking About Assisted Living.” Today’s Caregiver. 21 Sept 2022. https://caregiver.com/articles/talking-assisted-living.