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  • Writer's pictureArwen Rasmussen

Difficult Conversations That Move Us

By Shelley Krupa, Business Operations Coordinator at Lake Hallie Memory Care

When I was a young girl, I remember hearing my mom say, “Don’t you ever dare to put me in a nursing home.”

Many years later, I evaluated if my mom was safe in her home. A friend said, “If you’re worried about her safety and can’t stop thinking about it, it’s time.”

An unfortunate fall of hers led to hospitalization. Then a rehab stay. Neither could stop the need for difficult decisions. Her doctor said, “Your mom isn’t safe alone anymore - it is time to look for placement in a memory care setting.” I had to move mom from her home to keep her safe.

The big move day came. The words from my growing up years rang in my ears, resonating with new words that were harsh words that I never thought I’d hear my mom say, “I hate you, you ungrateful daughter.” As my mom shed her heart-wrenching tears of sadness, I replied, “You’re right, Mom. I’m sorry you’re here because I failed you. I couldn’t keep you safe at home. I love you. I hope you will please forgive me.”

A short time later, a day to rejoice when mom walked into the door of the assisted living and said, “I’m Home!” She was safe, she was happy, and she called it home.

A day to let go, “Mom, thank you for being the best mom ever, it is okay, we’ll be okay, you can go now, I love you. Goodbye.”

The choices we make for goodbyes in our lives are never easy. They come with blessings, curses, and lessons to learn. Our best is all we can do when faced with making difficult decisions.

Some choices seem right, and some seem wrong.

My sincerest advice to you is, “Don’t wait to have difficult conversations so when the time comes to make tough decisions, the process is as easy as possible. You won’t know when it will be, but eventually, you will know you’ve made the right decision the day your loved one says, ‘I’m home.”

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