Caring for the Veteran You Love

Tips for helping those who require special care and attention

By Carl A. Trapani, MA, MS, LPC, Chippewa Manor Campus Chaplain

All of them started out raw. Some volunteered; others were drafted. They arrived at boot camp not quite sure what they had gotten themselves into. They quickly discovered the military had a very different idea of how early a person should get out of bed! They marched, ran, learned to shoot, follow orders, and work as a team. They learned to keep going when they were tired, frightened, or homesick. Many wondered, “Am I really going to make it through this?” And when they did, they basked in the glow of that accomplishment.

From there, they were sent everywhere—to ships, bases, aircraft, hospitals, offices, motor pools, battlefields, and places many Americans had never heard of. Some served in combat. Others performed essential jobs that kept the military running. For many, something happened that changed their lives forever. Injured in body, mind, or spirit, they returned home as wounded warriors. Coming home may have ended their military service, but it began a different battle.

Not every veteran returns from service time with physical or emotional needs. But those that do, deserve and require our special help and attention.

Some veterans returned with obvious injuries: missing limbs, damaged joints, hearing or vision loss, scars, or chronic pain. Others carried invisible wounds. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can affect sleep, emotions, relationships, and a person’s sense of safety. Loud noises, fireworks, crowds, smells, or even a television program may bring back frightening memories.

Traumatic brain injury (TBI) may cause headaches, dizziness, fatigue, memory problems, difficulty concentrating, sleep disturbances, or changes in mood. Sometimes a veteran simply says, “I’m fine.” Sometimes that means exactly that. Sometimes it means, “I don’t know how to talk about it.”

Caring for veterans does not mean treating them as helpless. They spent much of their lives learning independence, responsibility, and self-reliance. Losing that independence can be frustrating and frightening. Listen before trying to fix. Sometimes the best response is simply, “Tell me about it.”  Protect their dignity. Instead of saying, “I’ll do that for you,” ask, “Would you like some help?” 

There is a big difference between helping someone and making someone feel helpless. Learn their triggers and be patient with memory or concentration problems. Regular routines, calendars, lists, reminders, and one task at a time can help. Remember: difficulty remembering something is not the same as not caring. And don’t confuse silence with having no needs. Veterans were trained to endure without complaining, which can make asking for help difficult. Pay attention to changes in sleep, mood, relationships, anger, isolation, substance use, or hopelessness. Remember that the veteran is more than an injury, diagnosis, disability, or difficult day. Before the PTSD, wheelchair, prosthesis, chronic pain, or medications, there was a person with dreams, plans, hopes, fears, and a future.

The most important thing you can do is show them you care. Every veteran answered the call to serve. Now it is our turn to answer the call to care by standing beside them when they need it most.

Carl Trapani, MA, MS, LPC serves as campus Chaplain at Chippewa Manor. He has more than 50 years of pastoral service and professional counseling experience. For more information please call (715) 723-4437 or email him at carl.trapani@chippewamanor.com.